As of today I am officially starting the process of finding myself, if that's what you want to call it. I'm tired of going through these bouts of depression brought on by the ever growing knowledge that I'm not the person I could be, physically, mentally or spiritually. I want to transform myself but I can't do that unless I know what it is I'm changing. So here we go. I am now no longer worrying about trying to concieve baby #2 since it has thus far only lead to heartache and I'm going to focus on bettering myself and loving the little guy that I've already been blessed with.
I guess I'll start with a little back story. After my mother's divorce from my previous stepfather in 2003 my family moved to Anchorage, Alaska and my mom remarried a wonderful man who I now like to call my dad. After moving from Texas to the cold of Alaska I gained about 40 pounds in the first year and it just didn't stop. I went from being a size twelve to being an eighteen in a little under two years and as a teenager this was pretty traumatic. I didn't have any control over what I ate since I had grown up with an unhealthy habit of emotional binge eating and still have yet to control those urges very well. So, now I'm 25 years old, 5'1" and I weigh 204.8 pounds. Scary. On top of this I have a family history of heart disease and diabetes. Double trouble. I remember going in for my glucose test when pregnant with our first baby and being SO scared that I was going to have gestational diabetes. I was only 21 at the time. No 21 year old should be afraid of having diabetes and I knew that my weight was out of control but I had no idea how to stop it. Thankfully I threw up from 7 weeks until the day I gave birth so I only gained 15 pounds and all of that was baby weight. I think that my Heavenly Father was watching out for me.
Even with this stunning revelation of unhealthiness I still did nothing the entire year after our son was born to change that... I tried to eat better and I never actually gained any weight but I got to watch my husband shed ONE HUNDRED POUNDS over the course of ten months. That killed me. So, in May of 2011 I had a friend convince me to start training with her for a 5K. I thought she was NUTS but she told me to stop making excuses. So I did. I didn't know it but I LOVE running. Even though it's really hard on my knees since I'm so overweight that feeling of achievement, that runners high, was SO addicting! I was so sure that the fat would just melt off since I was still breastfeeding. 10 pounds and 3 months later I realized that it was NOT going to just melt off. After a vacation to visit my in-laws before our trans-atlantic move to Italy I gained back all the weight I had lost and then only lost 6 more pounds until I moved away from my motivator Sassy and my home. Now, here I sit in Italy gaining weight and having no one to keep me accountable. Even my husband Matt has gained ten pounds in the last few months... We need to make some healthy changes and make them NOW so I'm going to start keeping MYSELF accountable.
Tomorrow morning, regardless of rain or sun I am going to do 30 mintues of exercise at home then run for at least 30 minutes. I'll report back tomorrow evening!! Goodnight world and welcome to 2012, my weight loss year.
Lynalice, this is so good! Mike and I are done having babies so I am trying really hard to get to a weight that I am comfortable maintaining FOREVER. scary. I seriously have a food addiction and it so soooo hard for me not to eat. But one of my best friends is getting married in April and I want to be at my goal weight by then. I have about 23 lbs. to go. We should keep each other accountable! I am totally going to follow your blog, so make sure you update it. My main resolution for this year is not really just to lose weight. I want to feel happy with myself at whatever size, but be working hard to keep myself healthy and take care of the body that Heavenly Father blessed me with. So, hopefully, as we learn to love ourselves--which means we take care of our bodies--the weight will come off and we won't get frustrated. It might take a long time, but it will be worth it, right? yay! --Randi
ReplyDeleteGreat goal to have! Women have a much harder time losing weight when they get older, especially after menopause!
ReplyDeleteSome things that could help: eat monounsaturated fats like nuts and seeds and some fruits and vegetables. For example, just eat about 2 teaspoons of walnuts after a meal, this apparently helps burn off the bad fat. It's a different way of eating but doesn't eliminate all the good stuff you want to eat. The flat belly diet does work and I think for young people it will work better because you don't have some of the old age health issues that crop up.
Other ways to up your metabolism is to sip on ice water and to take a five minute walk after meals. It's also a good idea to do five minute exercises throughout the day. According to what I read the short exercises raise metabolism and keeps it there more than a thirty minute exercise, which brings down metabolism not long after the exercise.
You are probably familiar with eating smaller meals throughout the day and keeping to the amount of calories you need for your lifestyle. That works better than cutting back on what you love to eat. Just watch the carbs and eat smaller amounts of what you love, but keep to the daily caloric intake. It does work. Now that I have some health issues stablized this will help. I already lost a few pounds so things are looking up. The idea about losing weight is to choose what will work but doesn't make you eat tasteless food. Just eat less of it at a time. Good luck!
I could have written your second paragraph word for word. Even the ttc #2 part. (only I don't know your specifics) I truly hope that you are able to do this because I am coming from the same depression cycle and it sucks. You CAN do this! I believe in you. You are awesome :)
ReplyDeleteI totally understand TTC #2, it took us 18 months if heartbreak after heartbreak, and I KNOW it's all my weight. I joined WW, lost 10lbs and immediately got pg. I know you can do it, for you, for your DH, for your 2nd baby!! Good job!
ReplyDeletethanks ladies! I can use all the support I can get! I'm really hoping that losing weight is the answer to our TTC problems. All you girls are so amazing and I'm so glad to be doing this together!
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